Reflections on the 15th Anniversary of my GRS

It was February 29 (leap day) 2000 when I underwent my GRS in Montreal. So, most years this (Februrary 28) is what passes for an anniversary for the momentous event, and as such I find myself forced to reflect on things.

I know I would have died if I had not transitioned and known that I was going to get GRS. GRS drastically improved my condition, except, of course, the two years of complications I suffered (granulation tissue and stenosis). I got past that. But, I was finally comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. Oh, there's still many things I really don't like about my body, and I would rather have had magically transformed XX chromosomes and a girlhood but I'll take this. Without a doubt, for me, it was the way to go.

It's kind of a new start for me this year, as for the first time since long before that day fifteen years ago...I'm not in a relationship with my soon to be ex-wife whom I was married to for almost half my life. So, a whole new realm of possible experiences has opened up to me though honestly I'm in no hurry for another relationship. But, here I am: 50, trans and newly single. The single thing still feels really weird. I get pretty nervous about dating and such when I think about it.

Thanks for letting me muse over this occasion with you (at you?).

My Second Favorite Book in the English Language

And frankly, my favorite book in the English language should be shaking in its proverbial boots right now.  I first read this book on vacation in Mexico last April (2014).  I had seen the movie John Dies at the End a few months before  (which you should definitely check out as well) and got this book and JDAE from author David Wong (from Cracked.com fame AKA Jason Pargain).  I read this one first as advised by Mr. Wong's narrator, a character named David Wong.

It's a comedy-horror-science fiction-thriller-literary masterpiece.  Seriously.  A tale of interdimensional spiders, zombies, and most importantly the nature of human nature.  It has brilliant writing and deep insight into the world and humanity.  And it's funny as hell.

When we were in Mexico, when we would leave the room, I would leave the book on the coffee table.  We we would come back from the beach, the maids had placed a coaster with a glass on it over the picture of the whole in the book.  One presumes this was to keep the spiders trapped inside.

I LOVE THIS BOOK!

RIP Leonard Nimoy

The world has become a little darker and the stars have dimmed. I remember watching him since I was little in: Star Trek, Mission Impossible, In Search Of..., and then the Star Trek movies as a teen and adult. He's always been there. Not any more. It's hitting me harder now than earlier when I first head the sad news. RIP, sir.

Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe?

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http://www.buzzfeed.com/kimberleydad...pai#.qa2aK3EB7

I'm conflicted on this one honestly. Lili Elbe is an iconic trans figure. There's a lot of displeasure at the idea of any actor of the male persuasion playing a transwoman. Some people think you should get women (trans or otherwise) to play such characters. Some argue that back in Lili's day they didn't have hormones and facial surgery so it makes sense that a man should play the part in this instance. But, the Oscar-Winning Best Actor looks terrific in the photo as Lili, I have to admit.

Sneak Peek at Cover for The Silver Light

Here's your sneak peek of Shayla Mist's Cover for The Silver Light coming to Amazon Kindle November 2015

Muser Profile: Maggie Breen

 

It was absolutely one of the highlights of my stay at La Muse Writer's and Artist's Retreat in France to enjoy listening to the great Maggie Breen read her poetry in the library around the wood stove.  Those readings were the height of my literary life thus far, just so many brilliant writers gathered in a semi-circle reading old things, or new things they were working on...and Maggie was the best of us.  Maybe it's her powerful verses, maybe it's that thick Irish accent, maybe it's both.  Or it could be the deeply emotional themes.  If you ever get an opportunity to hear Maggie read...run, don't walk.

Maggie and I were the longest tenured Musers during my stay of over two months (and she had been there for a month or two before I got there, having just recently completed The Camino (remind me to tell you about the Camino some time...A pilgrimage that crosses Europe in many places and ends on the coast of Spain) she was working on another collection of poems to follow up her book, Other Things I Didn't Tell.  For a while, it was just Maggie and me at La Muse, we had the honor of house and dog sitting for John and Kerry, the establishment's fine owners, and we two spent ten days as sisters in a giant ancient house in October of 2014.  We enjoyed a few nights of quiet domestic tranquility reading our day's work to each other, or Maggie in her chair on one side of the wood stove knitting as I sat in my chair on the other side reading aloud Dickens' Great Expectations to her.

Two more things about Maggie Breen:  1) if you chance to talk to Maggie, have her interpret one of your recent dreams for you (she's great at it), and 2) if she comes to you looking for a fellowship or employment?  Give her the fellowship or the job  She's the best of the best.

So, seek out her work.  Here's a link to her publisher's website (her poetry collection is also available on Amazon for non-European readers) and a link to an interview with Maggie.

http://scalltamedia.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=90

http://niamhboyce.blogspot.com/2013/05/poet-interview-maggie-breen.html

My Favorite Yeats Poem

Fergus And The Druid

Fergus. This whole day have I followed in the rocks,
And you have changed and flowed from shape to shape,
First as a raven on whose ancient wings
Scarcely a feather lingered, then you seemed
A weasel moving on from stone to stone,
And now at last you wear a human shape,
A thin grey man half lost in gathering night.
Druid. What would you, king of the proud Red Branch kings?
Fergus. This would I Say, most wise of living souls:
Young subtle Conchubar sat close by me
When I gave judgment, and his words were wise,
And what to me was burden without end,
To him seemed easy, So I laid the crown
Upon his head to cast away my sorrow.
Druid. What would you, king of the proud Red Branch kings?
Fergus. A king and proud! and that is my despair.
I feast amid my people on the hill,
And pace the woods, and drive my chariot-wheels
In the white border of the murmuring sea;
And still I feel the crown upon my head
Druid. What would you, Fergus?
Fergus. Be no more a king
But learn the dreaming wisdom that is yours.
Druid. Look on my thin grey hair and hollow cheeks
And on these hands that may not lift the sword,
This body trembling like a wind-blown reed.
No woman's loved me, no man sought my help.
Fergus. A king is but a foolish labourer
Who wastes his blood to be another's dream.
Druid. Take, if you must, this little bag of dreams;
Unloose the cord, and they will wrap you round.
Fergus. I See my life go drifting like a river
From change to change; I have been many things --
A green drop in the surge, a gleam of light
Upon a sword, a fir-tree on a hill,
An old slave grinding at a heavy quern,
A king sitting upon a chair of gold --
And all these things were wonderful and great;
But now I have grown nothing, knowing all.
Ah! Druid, Druid, how great webs of sorrow
Lay hidden in the small slate-coloured thing!

-W.B. Yeats, Fergus and the Druid

Note:  The parts I have italicized are quoted in my recently completed novel, A Dancer in the Infinite.