A Dancer in the Infinite - Chapter 75

Chapter 75 Elsewhere

MADNESS IS THE EMERGENCY EXIT... – Alan Moore

     When Marie manifested into the new reality she was surrounded by, she found herself totally at a loss for her bearings.  The sky, if that’s what if was, was a bright fluorescent orange, with a few light violet cumulus clouds.  The landscape was charred and black, the few vertical structures were more like blackened silloettes of an alien shape and nature.  She looked down to see that she was standing on blackened bones and skulls of creatures she could not recognize, though they certainly weren’t human to be certain.  The air was breathable if harsh and biting, but if what Chandler had said was right, and she had no reason to doubt it, then she would only come to those worlds where she would be able to physically exist.   Which, at that moment she was glad enough for.   The taste and smell of soot hung in the air.

     She cast her gaze about the wasted, barren land illuminated by the safety orange sky, for no sun was visible, but the very atmosphere possessed its own strange luminence.

     “I thought you’d never show up,” she heard a voice at her feet say.

     Marie looked down and there was a tiny black object, it seemed a sort of mechanical centipede with a flat black metallic armor.  She jumped back a few feet at first sight of the entity, but tried quickly to regain her composure.  After all it had just talked.

     “Yes, I reacted exactly that way when I first laid eyes on you, so don’t feel bad.” The robotic centipede quipped.

     “So, we’ve met then” Marie asked.

     “Well, no, not exactly, I’ve met you before, but this is your first time meeting me, time travel and all that.”

     “I see.”

     “Yes, you do seem to be getting on rather better than you said you would,” replied the centipede, “Apparently you don’t know yourself as well as you might do.”

     “Are you sure it was me? I mean this version of me?”

     “Pffft…of course, I’m sure, I’m a bit hyperdimensional myself, if I must say so.  Yes, it was you, or rather it will be you that I met.  But, let’s not talk here,” the centipede observed, “it’s not a very pleasant place at all…let’s go to the bar.”

     “The bar?” asked Marie incredulously.

     “Yes, the bar.  You do have bars on your world don’t you?”

     “Yes.”

     “Well, so do we…come on.”

     With that the robotic centipede turned and scurried along without bothering to see if Marie was following or not.  She, of course, was, though she found it tougher than she thought it would be to keep pace with her tiny guide.  They traversed the barren landscape for about twenty minutes before the centipede stopped.  He touched the ground with his antennae and before him a large opening appeared in the ground, warm electric light poured out of the opening.

     “Come on,” said the centipede and he scampered down the inclined ramp that led down.  Marie followed him.  “This is your favorite bar in Elsewhere” the creature said.

     “Well, that’s good,” she said, entirely uncertain.

     “It should be, it’s your bar.”

     As they progressed down the ramp it ended onto an even more brightly lit hallway full of signs and adverts in alien languages, with pictures of all manner of products apparently offered at the establishment.  At last they came to the entrance.  A large amorphous blob of a peculiar shade of the color blue stood there, with what Marie understood to be a look of delight crossed its…uh…thing…

     “Mistress Marie! What a lovely surprise.  It’s so lovely to see you here!  Coff-Coff will be delighted.”  The blue blob addressed the centipede, “Why didn’t you tell us she was coming, Phil?”

     “Boss's orders, Bruce,” replied the centipede.

     The blue blob, or Bruce, apparently, nodded in deep understanding.  “Well,” it said, “The important thing is that you’re here now…and you’re going to be so happy how well we’re doing!  This joint is hoping, Mistress Marie.  We’ve got a good crowd.  A big party of Reptoids, several Mushrooms, a couple of lost AI beings sorting themselves out, a huge gang of lemurs on their way to the Convention, and, of course, the usual regulars.”

     “Bruce,” said the centipede, “This is the boss's first visit to this establishment, so we should do this formally…Mistress Marie, may I introduce you to your favorite bouncer, Bruce, and Bruce, this as you know is our Mistress Marie.”

     “Oh, I see,” said Bruce.  It bowed low and Marie bowed as well.  “It is a wonderful pleasure to meet you upon your first visit to Elsewhere, you’re home away from home, and the finest bar in the Multiverse, if I do say so with some pride.”

     “It’s a pleasure, Bruce.  I’m sure we’ll become fast friends.” Marie said.  She found herself quite at ease with the strange beings, and the new situations she was finding herself in.

     “Come on,” said the centipede, “I reserved your favorite table for us.”

     Bruce moved aside for the two of them to enter the bar.  Marie was initially dazed by the multicolored lights, video screens, and strange beings seated throughout the crowded bar.  And it was a bar.  With the exception of some of the chairs, table, and seating arrangements, and peculiar clientele, it looked exactly like any sports bar back home.  She could not help but look around the large main room at the strange guests seated about the place.  As Bruce had indicated there were two very large groups that made up the bulk of the customers, one group consisted of what looked every bit like Velociraptors, most likely the Reptoids the bouncer had mentioned, and the other even larger company was made up of lemurs like Mike.  Both groups seemed to be having a good time.  Her eyes immediately fell upon the two disoriented Terminator looking robots in the corner next to the fire with a map spread out in on their table.  There were several robotic centipedes like her guide, three beings who looked like the popular depiction of Gray space aliens, who appeared to be playing monopoly with a large insectoid.  In another corner sat two giant mushrooms, and in the far corner were three humans, two men and a woman next to a police call box.

     All eyes turned to Marie as she followed her guide to her table.  “Marie!” the place cheered with one voice.  She nodded with embarrassment.

     “Here we go,” he said and scurried up the chair, indicating with his antennae that she should take the seat opposite.  She did so.

     Instantly, a three foot Gray wearing an apron and carrying a notepad approached them with great excitement, “Lady Marie!  What a delightful surprise!  Phil didn’t tell us you were coming.  Shall I just get you two the usual?”

     Marie started to agree, but then caught herself, “Um, no…I can’t eat anything…”

     “What?” said Phil, “Of course you can.  This is Elsewhere.  You made certain that everything we serve only helps interdimensional travel not hinders it.”  He turned to the Gray, “Yes, thank you Oustar, the usual will be fine for both of us.”

     “But Chandler said…”

     “Chandler, smandler,” chided the centipede, “I think I trust you more than Chandler, that oaf.  Yes, yes, in most dimensions you shouldn’t eat or it will affect your ability to travel, that’s exactly why you opened this place.  It was a market just waiting to be tapped, as you so eloquently put it, when you pitched the place to us.  Genius really.  You are a credit to your species.”

     “Ah, okay, thanks…um…Phil…was it?”

     Was that a smile on the robot centipede’s face?

     “You are too cute…so…innocent…so naïve…it’s like you’re a child.  Not at all like the seasoned Marie we all know here.  I hope you’ll forgive me this observation.”

     “Um, of course…we’re friends after all, right?”

     “Indeed we are,” Phil agreed.

     “So, Phil, that’s rather an unusual name for…um…whatever it is you are, isn’t it?”

     “Well, Marie, my kind don’t really do the whole name thing as it so happens, and you found that rather inconvenient so you gave me the name…you said I reminded you of some Earth novelist, who was it?  Oh, yes, Philip K. Dick.  So, you called me Phil, and now everybody calls me Phil.  I rather like having a name, actually.”

     “Well, I’m glad you like it, then.”

     A voice from the left of the table startled her, “Well, Mistress Marie, you should have told me you were coming, but that’s your business I suppose.  Why tell your manager?  She’s just an employee…”

     Marie turned to face the Reptoid who had spoken.

     “Coff-Coff”, said Phil, “Marie is on a secret mission…going to save the multiverse, she is…so it’s all rather top secret, need to know sort of a thing.  I was the only one allowed to know…she swore me to silence.  Oh, and Coff-Coff , just between the three of us,” did Phil just wink at the Velociraptor?  “this is her first visit to Elsewhere, but keep it on the downlow.”

     “Oh My!” squealed the hyperdimensional dinosaur with a quiet hiss, “That is exciting.  What a thrill this is.  What a pleasure.”  She extended a claw to Marie, who took it, trying as best she could to not be terrified, and shook.

     “It’s nice to finally meet you, Coff-Coff,” said Maire.  “I’m sure we’re going to become great friends, apparently.”

     Coff-Coff looked back at Phil and smiled?  “Just the three of us will know, I can keep a secret.” And then back to Marie, “You have no idea, you saved my life, or, well, you will, I guess.  I will always be your friend and in your debt.  Frankie’s working the kitchen tonight so…if you ordered your usual…it will be just the way you like it, dear.  Oh, how exciting!  A secret mission to save the multiverse…I remember when you tried that the last time.  Oh what fun!”

     Oustar brought their drinks, and Coff-Coff made her excuses.  Marie had what looked like Iced-Tea in a tall glass with lots of ice.  “This looks like iced tea” she said.

     “Well, there’s no getting anything by you, is there?” Phil joked, “Rassberry iced tea to be precise.”

     She saw a small dish of what looked like oil placed in front of Phil.  He began to drink thirstily.

     “And you’re sure drinking this won’t keep me here until it passes?”

     Phil looked up, “As your friend, I promise you.  Like I said, do all these folks look like they want to be stuck here?”

     “Well, no, I suppose not,” then she noticed the characters at the bar, “except maybe them.”

     “Ah, your most loyal customers, Cliff and Norm, you call them for some reason.”

     “Okay,” she agreed and tasted her tea.  It was phenomenally good.  She took a big gulp.  She found that she was quite thristy.  And after a few gulps, quite hungry too.

     “So, what’s my usual here, anyway?” she asked.

     “Chicken Parmesan, French Fries, and coleslaw.”

     “Seriously?  That’s my favorite dish to order out.”

     “Well, then it makes sense it would be your usual, doesn’t it?”

     And with that Oustar was back with their meals.  As Phil had said, one of the finest looking servings of chicken parm that she had ever seen.  And she tried not to look at the slimy fibers that were set in front of her dining companion.

     “So,” she asked whilst eating, “When I told you to wait for me, did I tell you why I was coming here?”

     “No, you didn’t say much, just to expect you to arrive and to take you here…you said you’d be hungry…and needed a place to hang for a little while…before you went off to save the mulitverse….”

     “I’m starting to wish future me was a little more helpful,” Marie commented.

     “If I may offer a guess as to your future self’s motives, I think you’ll find that there is much to be learned from simply taking in the hyperdimensional experience.  Oh, Look!  Your Eagles are coming on the big screen!”

     And to Marie’s surprise and delight, Phil was right, there was the live or seemingly so, broadcast of the Philadelphia Eagles game she had missed on the last Sunday.

     “That Coff-Coff doesn’t miss a trick,” noted Phil seeing her smile.

copyright 2017 Diana Hignutt