Friday, April 3, 2015

The Tale of Jesus and Carl

Recently, I was translating some of the more obscure Gnostic Gospels from Greek and Aramaic and I came upon this tale.  The following is somewhat paraphrased for ease of the reader:

Among all his disciples, followers, friends, family, and indeed, all living creatures, Jesus held as his favorite his pet rabbit, Carl.  Jesus and Carl were inseparable.  But, much like the role of Mary Magdalene, Carl's role in Christ's life and teachings has been greatly diminished if not omitted from the official New Testament.  Often Carl would sit on Jesus' shoulder  when the Son of Man gave his sermons or healed the sick and infirm.  This lone account  I discovered depicts Carl, and not Jesus as the one who flipped out at the merchants and money-lenders at the Temple.  As a result of this, Carl was arrested and brought before Pontius Pilate who thought the rabbit was both clever and cute as all-get-out.  However, the Chief Hebrew Temple guys were pissed and demanded Carl be punished.

And, so it was on that Good Friday, some add 2,000 years ago that Carl was crucified at 3pm in the afternoon.  Jesus was so upset by the loss of his beloved pet and best friend that he blackened the sun from the sky for like an hour.  In the end Jesus calmed down, forgave humanity for their crimes against Carl, and had a bit of rabbit stew for supper.  Sadly, Carl had worms and Jesus got sick and died that same know the rest...


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